I feel like there must be something wrong with the world. I’m feeling very frustrated right now, because I’m running very low on money at the moment. I feel almost ashamed saying it, because I associate it with irresponsibility and not being able to be independent. Which are two very important things for me to be. But maybe that isn’t entirely fair.
In 2015 I decided to quit school indefinitely. I had been struggling with depression, anxiety and a personality disorder since I was 12 years old. Which caused me to drop out of school several times. I got a high school diploma at 21, way below my level. I tried to go to college, but I couldn’t exactly do what I wanted to for my lack of education and besides that, I noticed how badly my mental health was affected by going to school. So I quit. And I am so very glad that I did.
I decided to work on myself, in therapy, and work in the meantime. I have grown so much. I think I can even say that I’m cured. I truly believe that there is no greater gift to give yourself than to make sure your inner self is well balanced.
I am, however, still scared to go back to school, because I know how much of a trigger this has been for me. But on the other hand, the jobs I can get without some proof of education are only few. The pay for those jobs are at a minimum wage.
I work hard. I do. But for a minimum wage and only variable hours. I study a lot. I don’t go to school, but I’m good at learning – now that my head’s at peace – and I’m teaching myself from books, from sites, whenever and wherever I can.
There are these two tings that make me so angry beyond anything else, and at times even depressed, although I am officially cured from that. Two problems I have that I feel so strongly should be fixed: The education system and work expectations/opportunities.
Everything wrong with the education system:
As I’ve mentioned, I struggled a lot through my childhood. My teachers saw it and knew it, I was being watched by childhood services. And still, when I couldn’t do school because of it, I got kicked out. Once you don’t have a diploma for a certain level in high school, you won’t be accepted into university. Unless of course, you get your diploma, but you pay an enormous amount of money for it.
1. Let me prove to you that I can do it. There’s one thing I hate, which is when the means don’t benefit the end. The way I see it, a diploma is some sort of proof that someone has a certain level of thinking. Schools ask for this proof, so they can be insured that you have a chance at succeeding. Which I think is wrong. I feel like every person should either know or learn their capabilities. We don’t need a piece of paper to tell us if we can or can’t do something. With a strong mentality and motivation, your chance at succeeding is the greatest. So my plea to any school would be: Just let me do it. Let me follow the classes, study the subjects, and at the end of it, I will prove to you that I can do it. By denying people before they even have the chance to show you anything, you’re turning people down that are perfectly capable. Based on the lack of a piece of paper. Which, like I explained, doesn’t prove anything at al.
2. Let me do it my way. I don’t know how many times I felt strongly that the way a school or a teacher wanted me to perceive or learn something, was not working for me. They tell us how to do an assignment, what it should be about, which classes we are obligated to attend, what the right way to perceive something is, how we should go about learning. This is not only demotivating, it’s crushing my sense of creativity. What about thinking outside of the box? Forming our own opinions? Creating the best way for every individual to learn in a way that works for them specifically? What about bringing something entirely new to the table? This is probably why I am the most annoying student in history: I refuse to do it someone else’s way. But what the hell is wrong with that?
3. What are we learning?! This one is mostly directed at lower schools and high schools. They teach us mathematics, language, geography, history, science.. Which is all very important and useful. But ask yourself: What are truly the most important things you’ll ever learn? How about social interaction: The way to interpret others and how to clearly communicate without being offending or disrespectful. Psychology, which is basically the one subject that you will need everywhere, the one subject that is about all of us. It could teach us how to help each other or to watch for signs of mental illness and knowing how to respond in such a case. Or how about ourselves: Who am I, what are my strong points and my weaknesses? Meditation: Being able to look into ourselves and identify our thoughts, feelings, and needs. How to regulate our emotions. Or more practically: How to cook, have a healthy lifestyle, how to manage finances, how to look for a job or a home, or how to do taxes… I would be thrilled if someone had taught me this when I was younger. All these things that schools could teach us in order to maintain a healthy society and healthy individuals and you’re telling me that these other subjects are more important?
Everything wrong with work expectations/opportunities:
1. College required. Same as what I’ve mentioned before: When I have taught myself everything there is to know about a subject, be it from only reading books, why is there not a way for me to prove that I am fit to do the job, without going through the whole college thing? There should be some kind of test before actually going into the field, okay. But I’m not sacrificing 4 year of my life to be educated in something I already know. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t feel like I do know that much and I do understand you need some sort of education and second opinion, just to make sure you know how to do your job correctly. I just wonder why it should always be this way.
2. 35+ hours. I often feel ridiculed when I tell people that I can’t work for more than 4 days a week. They first tell me how much they are working (5 or 6 days) and usually I end up saying that I have things to do besides work and they tell me what they all have to do besides work and eventually it becomes a ‘my horse is bigger than yours’ kind of thing and the message is clear: Stop whining. As to why I feel I can’t work more than 4 days: I’ve come to learn my limit and I just know that 5 or more days is simply too much for me. It’s about knowing your personal boundaries. And it may just be that my limit it somewhat lower than someone else’s. So it’s not fair to compare or compete, because we are all different people with different mentalities and when you are cool with doing 35, 40, 45 hours a week, then congratulations, but that’s not me. Secondly, I don’t feel like a lot of people are cool with that, and I get a feeling that that is exactly why they become angry with me: because they feel frustrated about it, but they just suck it up, because that is just the ‘normal’ way to do things. And I wonder why that is. Why is it normal to accept these kinds of hours, when we have lives to live and work is keeping us from living it? If that’s how you like it, again: congratulations, but there should be options for people who feel otherwise. It’s not about being lazy or not being willing to work. I just feel there should be more than that.
3. Payment equality. Minimum wage. That’s what you get for having a job in a store. I understand in some ways, that there should be differences between the pay for having a job that you studied hard for and a job that doesn’t require much knowledge. But I don’t understand why the difference should be this big. I work just as hard, just as much, my job can be just as challenging… yet I don’t have money to spare, although I’m living a very inexpensive lifestyle and pay inexpensive rent.
These are just my own very blunt opinions. I understand that a solution is not always easy and that in some ways, you’re just going to have to adjust to the way it is as much as you can. I do think, however, that (whatever your personal opinion on the matter is) it is healthy and wise to criticize the way things are. It’s easy to assume that this is ‘just the way that it is’, but we should also be aware of how it doesn’t need to be. There are always ways to improve and other ways to try things. And those new ways don’t need to be the correct ones, either. They are just as well open for improvement.
We should always be looking how to be the best and happiest version of ourselves and how to create a healthy and happy society. What works for us? And what may work for some, but not for others? It starts with education and it continues with the expectations that society has from its people.
I would like to point out that happy and healthy people lead to a more functional society, so eventually expressing our needs, will benefit all of us. But we’ll have to be honest. Tell ourselves honestly what we feel, what we wish for and what our limits are. Then tell others the same. As soon as there are more people sharing one opinion, there is opportunity for change.
NightLightsInMotion 